To Pitch or Not to Pitch, That is the Question

 Oh the clutter!   So much stuff!  Dolls, and books, and keychains and hats and jewelry and blocks and puzzles and markers,  and play dough and various shapes of plastic and the list goes on and on.  I want to throw it all out; I know I should throw it all out!  But I find it really hard.   It’s difficult to get rid of any kid’s stuff.  There’s a reason that Woody and Buzz sat in their owner’s  room until he went away to college in Toy Story.   With autism, the dilemma is even harder.   Many kids with autism don’t develop their interests in an age-appropriate, linear fashion.  For example, one week Naomi may be interested in toys like her Barbie dolls or her African drum, (things appropriate for a 6-8 year old) but the next week she’s into her plush Barney or her touch and feel books (appropriate for a 2-3 year old.)  This makes the assessment of which toys she is done with difficult because developmental age doesn’t really help in this determination. 

I often think about getting rid of stuff that she has hardly ever touched, like her blocks or legos.  Part of my difficulty with this, is that I hope she will develop an interest in these things.  The other part is the fear of having to buy them a second time! Sometimes Naomi surprises us when she suddenly takes an interest in something she never cared about before.  I know that the creative play that comes with blocks and legos could be very beneficial for her and just in case we need the equipment to facilitate such play, I like knowing it is there.  If I give it away and suddenly she wants legos. I really don’t want to buy them all over again. 

Then there is Naomi’s need for her stuff.  This is one of our greatest difficulties with her.  Steven and I both know that if we cannot locate her stuff within seconds of her letting us know that she wants it, a meltdown is on its way. We have tried to work with her on this, mainly by refusing to look until she calms down and apologizes for her freak out, but it’s really like trying to discipline a panic attack.   She has a true psychological need to know that her stuff can be quickly located.  Usually, we know what her favorite stuff is and we can find it quickly.  Sometimes, however, the demand comes for stuff that we haven’t seen in months.   Just recently I took Naomi’s playschool dollhouse out to the storage barn.  It had been sitting in the basement and she hadn’t touched it in at least a year.  It is big and clunky and I needed to make space.   About 3 weeks after I put it out, she noticed it wasn’t around.  “Doll house!  Doll house!”  She cried.  Boy, was I glad I could quickly locate it for her and avoid the nightmare that not having it would create.

Finally, I have to get rid of everything secretly.  There’s no reasoning with Naomi as to why it’s okay to give something away or get rid of it.  There is no motivation in saying “You’re too old for this,” and the concept of making room for something new is difficult for her to grasp. If it goes out, she must never notice it is missing and there is hell to pay if she does!

So the question remains – To pitch or not to pitch? What is she going to suddenly want? What is she going to remember?  What attachment has been forgotten and which things can we safely get rid of? Which things will she simply never be into and which should we keep around just for the right moment of inspiration?   Like all things with parenting, we’ve got to make our best guess, and we’re going to screw up sometimes.   For now, we’re erring on the side of keeping most of her stuff around.  It just feels safer that way.