There are Some Positive Aspects to Autism Parenting

I’ve been a bit of a Debbie Downer when it comes to autism lately.  I need to think of some of the positives.  I often read posts from parents claiming that if there were a pill that could immediately cure autism in their child without side effects, they would not have their child take it. I don't think I could ever find that much positive in autism.  I would beg, borrow, steal and  maim to get that proverbial little pill.  In any case, that pill doesn’t exist at the present time, and although I wish it did, there are some things that I can be grateful for when it comes to this autism parenting thing.   The things I am about to list here are simply things that I can be grateful for when it comes to autism as it presents in Naomi, these are not necessarily great things about autism parenting in general. 

The Autism Scholarship  -  We live in Ohio where we can opt out of the public school system and use the autism scholarship for Naomi’s education.  I am very grateful for this, and I am aware that many families do not have the options offered for school choice.   I wrote about the scholarship here.

Common Core Standards -  I don’t really know anything about Common Core Standards other than what I hear on NPR and a few other random sources, but I know I wouldn’t  like them.  Thanks to autism and the autism scholarship, I don’t have to deal with them at all.  Naomi’s education is completely divorced from Common Core. Yeah!

Homework –  I hear parents of neurotypical children speak of huge amounts of homework every night.   With the homework comes the struggle to get it done and the anxiety of the kids who spend their of time doing it.   We get very little homework and thus have less of the stress that goes with it. 

Sometimes Lack of Awareness is a Good Thing  -  Last Christmas, with winter holidays upon us and not enough plans to keep Naomi entertained, we took a last minute trip to Orlando, where we got a screamingly fabulous deal on a vacation rental.  We didn’t have the money set aside for the kind of Orlando vacation that other people were taking.  We didn’t go to any amusement parks or attractions.  We spent day after day at the pool and in local restaurants and we had a good time.  Naomi sat in our living room watching the demonstration of all the rides and attractions at Disney World on TV  and had  no expectations.   I think if she knew about all the expensive and elaborate parks that were in Orlando, it would have been a much more difficult vacation.  Her lack of awareness saved us the whining and pleading, the guilt and the stress that knowing about Orlando’s diversions would have caused.

I am also grateful for Naomi’s lack of awareness when I witness the unkindness of other children.  I have left the playground in tears far more often than Naomi has, because I am aware of the nasty comments and sniggering.  What Naomi doesn’t notice, doesn’t hurt her and for that, I am often grateful.

I don’t have to listen to endless jabbering.   I would love for Naomi to be able to converse and use language to her advantage for various reasons.  However, since she cannot converse or speak fluently, I’ll acknowledge that neurotypical kids have a reputation for endlessly talking to a degree that make their parents go cross-eyed.  Talkers also can get rude and nasty, especially in their adolescent years.    Although, it is a price I would gladly pay to have Naomi  effectively communicate, I’ll acknowledge that there are advantages!

I can buy things on the cheap! Most of Naomi’s clothes and toys have come from second hand stores.  She doesn’t care if things are new or not.  She doesn’t care about designer labels nor impressing others with her possessions.  This helps with our budget.  I can’t say for sure that this characteristic is due to her autism, but I kind of think it is.

I get to avoid some of the things I don’t want to do.  Since all of our extended family is out of town we are often called upon to travel for visits, weddings, funerals and other events.  Usually, I don't care to make the trip.  'I'm sorry, but it's just so difficult traveling with an autistic child.'  It's true that it's difficult, but it also fits my agenda.  Autism just may help me shirk of the guilt or the obligation I would otherwise feel for failing to participate in certain activities.  I've got enough on my hands; find someone else!

No cellphone for my pre-teen.  If you haven’t seen the clip from Louie CK talking to Conan O’Brien about why he doesn’t let his kid have a cell phone, you should.  You can see it here.  After seeing that clip I was more convinced than ever that kids shouldn't have cell phones.   Nevertheless, I am a real softie and I would have a hard time resisting the pleas and the pressure from my kid to buy her a cell phone when all of her peers have one.  Naomi, however, doesn’t have the slightest interest in owning a cell phone and therefore,  I don’t have to worry about that fight. Do I think she would want a cellphone if she were not autistic?  Um, yeah!

Naomi gets more excited about things than other kids.  When we took Naomi to a Laurie Berkner concert I looked around at the audience and there was no doubt that she was the most excited person in the room. Skipping, smiling and wildly stimming, she was glowing with excitement.    That was a great pay off for our efforts getting there.  I saw so many passive, bored faces of neurotypical kids and I realized that sometimes, I don’t want her to contain her excitement. Let it shine, girl!

I don’t have to deal with friends of hers that I don’t like.  Almost every parent has to tolerate their kid’s friends and those kids can fray nerves, cause commotion and be frighteningly mischievous.   Yes, I would like for Naomi to have friends, but I can be grateful that I don’t have to worry about some other kid bringing over porn, blowing up the basement or acting in a way that puts me in a conundrum.   As she gets older I probably won’t have to worry about sex or illicit drugs from influencing friends and I don’t have to worry about perverts trying to lure her over the internet.  As an autism mom, I’ll have access to everything.

Sometimes things are simpler when we do them her way.  I remember one Christmas morning repeatedly saying “Naomi, look in your stocking! Naomi, open your present!  Naomi you’re not finished opening your presents yet!”  When she finally heeded my instructions, she was not excited and happy, but pretty neutral about these rituals.  So now, we don’t do them.  You know what?  I hate Christmas shopping.  I don’t do it and Naomi doesn’t mind in the slightest.   – She loves Christmas and Santa and the decorations; she just would rather I go to the store and buy her something than make her wait for a present to be opened Christmas morning.  We don’t do Easter egg hunts.  Naomi doesn’t care for them and she doesn’t need more junk food!  We did a Birthday party one year.  I’m not sure if she was aware that the event was for her.  Now, she’s content with the celebration they do for her at school.  We bring in a cake and we're done!  Yes, I would like to see Naomi enjoy these things, but we have our own family rituals – like traveling out of town to see Laurie Berkner – that make up for them.   In pulling out of some of these events, I get to save myself the prep work and the hassle.   I’m all in favor of that! 

So there are some positives! I’m still hoping that someday that proverbial little pill will come out on the market.  Until it does, I’m remembering  that there are some things for which I can be grateful.