The Playground

“Naomi, no touching.” 

“Naomi, get to the back of the line.”

“Naomi, don’t smell her.”

“Naomi, be gentle.”

“Naomi, that’s not yours. Put it back.”

This is what I sound like at the playground.  Ever jealous of the moms that get to bring a book or connect with their adult friends during playground time, I am consistently shadowing Naomi  and nagging at her. “No, stop it, don’t do that, wait your turn,” are the phrases that are endlessly coming out of my mouth.  I hate it.  Naomi hates it.  But I haven’t figured out an acceptable alternative. 

I could just let her go ahead and touch, smell and pick up anything that looks interesting, but that is sure to spell trouble.  Kids end up saying something mean and/or sniggering to one another.  If other moms and dads are around even they can get preachy. I’ve also seen her get pushed and hit.  I try to give her as much space as I can, but I also make sure to ward off the conflict and I correct her behavior when I see fit.  I’m trying to send the signal to everyone else there.  ‘Yes, I know what is going on; I’m handling this. You just carry on.’

Unfortunately, having her mom following her around and correct her makes Naomi a bit of a target on the playground.  When they hear me constantly saying “Naomi, Naomi, Naomi,” they decide that she is a kid that needs to be bossed around and willingly join in.   

“Naomi, stop following me!”

“Naomi, move!”

“Naomi, don’t do that.”

Sometimes, they seem to think I’m their ally and I they bring their complaints to me. I tend to disappoint them.

“She won’t give that to me.”  - Well dear, it’s hers and she doesn’t have to give it to you.

“She’s following me!”  -  It’s a public place and she can go wherever she likes.

“Can you get her to stop doing that?”  No, I can’t and even if I could, I wouldn’t.

Inevitably, the questions come.  “Why is she doing that?” / “What’s wrong with her?” / “Why doesn’t she talk?” I wish I had a good answer.  I wish I had a 30 second definition for autism that a 6 year old could understand.  I wish I knew away to help them take it in so their reaction toward her were kind and helpful.  Of course, there’s also a deep dark part of me that would find tremendous satisfaction in answering with “None of your f%cking business!” But I know that is wrong.

So, park visits are tough.  They get Naomi the outside recreation that she needs and I want her to have. They have also resulted in her having great proficiency at monkey bars.  Unfortunately, the playground hasn’t given her a lot of social success. The playground is one of the most intense reminders that the children’s social world really is a jungle.