No half marks for Social Skills.

No half marks for Social Skills.

“There’s your bracelet!” Naomi says as she points to the little girl’s bracelet.  We’re at the playground and Naomi is trying to make a friend.  The little girl gives Naomi an unfriendly scowl and walks away.  No big deal in the great scheme of things, but I want to run up to Naomi and say “Very good! That was an excellent way to approach a potential friend.”  I want to force the little girl to respond in a friendly way and take Naomi's hand.  Doesn’t she know that this was a really big step forward for Naomi and good behavior needs reinforcement?  No, I guess she doesn’t know.  

Naomi has autism.  Usually, she would follow another child around the playground and try to hold her hand.  “Stop following me!!”  and “Let go of me!”  are phrases I commonly hear as I watch the playground ready to run interference.  Naomi is usually undeterred and as many times as I’ve tried to encourage her to change her approach, she usually doesn’t.  Today, she did.   I’m proud of her!  It wasn’t even a scripted line, her language clear and appropriate and her tone was even pretty good.  Unfortunately, something about her approach didn’t sit quite right and it didn’t help her make a friend.   There are no half marks for social skills. The thing that comes so easily for most children is a real struggle for those with autism.  The toughest part is that when Naomi makes improvement but falls a little short of a typical child her age, the outside world doesn’t recognize it. She gets the same funny looks as she does when she’s completely off the mark.   Will she go back to following kids around?  Will she realize she’s on the right track? Oh, how easy it would be if this were a mathematics problem!  Objective, with a clear explanation of what you got right what you got wrong and why it is the way it is.  You can even get half marks! Social skills just don’t work that way.

Still, progress is progress.    A couple of years ago she would have run away from another child.  Now her interest has increased along with her courage. We’re on a longer, slower path here but we’re moving forward.   Most importantly, Naomi is not giving up!  She’s had a lot of kids brush her off, say unkind things  or even give her a push or a slap.  She doesn’t let it get to her and that’s why I believe that she will succeed in the end.